This was a strange year in reading for me. I spent the first half reading mostly literary fiction recommended by people in my fiction writing class and the second half devouring comic books. A regression? A logical progression? Who knows, or cares. It was an awesome time.

Keeping with the tradition I established last year, I will compile some of my favorites in nonsensical categories instead of trying to make a top 10 list.

FAVORITE BOOK SERIES I BECAME EMBARRASSINGLY EVANGELICAL FOR:
Wolf Hall/Bring Up the Bodies, Hilary Mantel.

Most praise of historical fiction involves phrases like “x comes alive on the page”, as in “1700s France comes alive” and when this is said, it is often in reference to the writer’s detailed research and description of period clothing, rituals, language, and culture. The benchmark of successful historical fiction becomes landscape realism, which is certainly laudable (all that research, ugh!), but Hilary Mantel shows that it can be pushed so much further. Wolf Hall has all of the historical details, but its greatest accomplishment is the psychological realism of the characters. History is the actions of people whose motives are complicated and human, not the dresses nor the dining etiquette.

And so human they are. Mantel doesn’t fall into sentimentality or cynicism. Her Thomas Cromwell is kind, loyal, loving, pragmatic, vindictive, and terrifying in his intellect. As a self-made man, he dances circles around the enraged nobility, all the while knowing the danger he is in. Without titles, it is only at the king’s whim that he is allowed to work, but he never lets that stop him from doing what he believes is for the good of the people of England.

I have tried to convince everyone I know to read these books, and I don’t know what else I can say that I haven’t before. Both books have won Britain’s highest literary award, the Man Booker Prize. The prose is stunning. The pacing is perfect: fast enough to keep you turning pages, but slowing down in just the right moments to allow you to feel the story fully. In Wolf Hall, Mantel not only delivers a compelling story that teaches you about history, but gives you another lens to look at history through.

FAVORITE BOOK ABOUT OTHER BOOKS
Grendel, John Gardner.

Gardner’s retelling of Beowulf from the monster’s perspective, is a very short book, but so layered and dense that rereads are necessary to fully unpack it. Although Grendel is ostensibly about the Danish epic, its heart is a scathing critique of Satrean existentialism. Gardner walks a fine line between satire and sentiment that allows his character to be more than a walking repository of allegory. Grendel recognizes his monstrosity and yearns to understand his purpose in life. He..dare I say, comes alive on the page: not a didactic exercise but a creature we can relate to and pity.

This book can easily be read without rereading the original text or delving into the deeper philosophical, spiritual, or historical dimensions, but why deprive yourself? Even if you don’t read the book, I highly recommend this letter John Garden wrote in response to schoolchildren’s essays on his book. It clarifies what he was trying to explore in the novel, what good writing and analysis entail,and also has some rather beautiful things to say about the meaning of life and the value of narratives. (http://mseffie.com/assignments/beowulf/Letter.html)

FAVORITE BOOK WITH INCEST IN IT
Geek Love, Katherine Dunn

Oh books. I hope I can have this category every year. Even though incest isn’t “in” anymore, it seems to be the prodigal son of plot devices, always returning to delight us with its ickyness. Even though the incest is minimal, Geek Love absolutely delivers on the ickiness.  It’s a strange, disturbing, wacky romp of a book and requires a strong stomach. I wouldn’t recommend this to everyone, but when I took a class with Audrey Niffenegger, she described it as one of the few books that if she saw on someone’s book case, she’d immediately want to be their friend, and I have to agree.

Geek Love is about a family of carnies. To try to save their failing circus act,  Al and Lil Binewski purposely expose her to radioactive isotopes and all kinds of dangerous, gene altering substances during her pregnancies in order to create children with the strangest abnormalities possible.  The narrator of the book is one of their children, Olly, an albino hunchback dwarf. Dunn handles her characters with sensitivity and poetic language and while the book is all over the place, it’s a fun read that tears apart the concept of normalcy. It is weird. It is soooo weird, and it embraces this, revels in it,and never once apologizes. I think the litmus test for this book is the first line:

“When your mama was the geek, my dreamlets,” Papa would say, “she made the nipping off of noggins such a crystal mystery that the hens themselves yearned toward her, waltzing around her, hypnotized with longing.”

If you’re as delighted as I was, read on, my comrades in strangeness, read on.

FAVORITE TIME SPENT SOBBING
Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro

Ishiguro is best known for Never Let Me Go, but I think this is his finest work. Remains of the Day is about the narratives we build our lives on, and how easily they can crumble if left unexamined. Stevens, an aging butler, dedicated his entire life to his former master, Lord Darlington. He believed that if, like his father, he was the perfect butler, never chasing his own desires or questioning those of his master, he would be wholly satisfied. Now as an old man, with his former master in disgrace, Darlington Hall diminished, and his role being erased by a changing England, Stevens is left without his foundation. He tries hard to please his new employer, a wealthy American, but has trouble adjusting to his new master’s relaxed expectations.

The book opens when the American suggests that Stevens take a vacation and follows his three day road trip across England.  His travels are the first time he has ever been away from the rituals that held his life together and he is lost without them.  He decides to write an account of his life as a butler, which leads him to reflecting on things he has long repressed: the dark side of his former master, his inability to act on the great love of his life, and the deterioration and death of his father. Ishiguro has great affection for his characters, and he never takes away Stevens’s dignity or humanity. The book starts off slow, coaxes you with with gentle humor and unanswered questions, and then breaks your heart into tiny pieces until you are just hiding in the bathroom at Starbucks, crying quietly and hoping no one else comes in, because you finished the book in public and oh god, no one can see you like this! (Just me? Well, okay. whatever. I’ll own it.)

FAVORITE BOOK THAT IS KIND OF DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN BUT YOU SHOULD TOTALLY READ IT ANYWAY
The City & the City by China Mieville.

So, there’s a city. And then another city on top of it. No, not like above it, they are transposed on top of each other: separate cities in some places and cross hatched in others.  But the residents of the different cities don’t see each other. Well, they *could*, but they are taught from birth to unsee the other or else they’ll be whisked away by the mysterious force known as Breach.  Erm, so anywhere, there are these two cities. And there is a murder! And a detective! And yes, cling to the detective story tropes while you try to orient yourself in a story that is increasingly weird but oddly familiar. Just read the book. It’s very good. A satisfying mystery in an original setting that suggests, but never lectures on, important social commentary on the interplay between physical and psychic boundaries in urban life.

FAVORITE BOOK ABOUT CHASTITY BELTS
Purity, Jackson Pearce

Purity is kind of a fluffy book, but it is the best kind of fluffy book, because it explores issues that actually matter to teens. Purity shows that you can say something meaningful without sacrificing fun or readability. The protagonist of the book is Shelby, whose father has just asked her to attend the Princess Ball with him—an event which will end with a ceremonial vow to live a pure life. For most teenagers this would be no problem: either refuse to go, or make the vow and lie. But as a preteen, Shelby made three promises to her dying mother: listen to her father, love as much as possible, and live without restraint. Shelby is torn between Promise One and Promise Three, and to try to exploit a loophole, she decides she must lose her virginity before the dance. (Sound a bit forced? I agree. It’s a bit frustrating, you just want to shake her and yell JUST TALK TO YOUR DAD ABOUT THIS , but Pearce does a good job of setting it up believably, and once you accept the concept, the book goes to great places.)

Purity is a funny, touching story of a teenage girl trying to come to an understanding about sexuality in a world that sends mixed messages. It’s funny, because last year I was complaining that none of the YA books I read dealt with religion much, but this year most of the ones I read did. Shelby’s faith is equally as influential on her decisions as her family and friends. Pearce has a lot to say about teenage sexuality and culture, but her highest priority is authentic characterization, and Purity is not preachy. Shelby’s ending is fitting and honest.

FAVORITE BOOK FOR ANECDOTES
At Home: A Short History of Private Life, Bill Bryson

These days, I think Bill Bryson’s name alone is enough of a selling point, but for the uninitiated: Bryson is a British essayist who writes informative and hilarious non-fiction books about whatever catches his fancy.In this case, the history of people living in houses. Using his own Victorian parsonage as a structure, Bryson walks through different rooms and goes through the history of slightly random but always fascinating objects and places.  If you’re like me, and you tire of reading history about wars, this is the perfect anecdote. Bryson is fascinated with the mundane details of everyday life: what food they ate (spoilers: disgusting!), what clothes they wore (spoilers: ridiculous!) and how our social history has been informed by the places we live and materials we have (spoilers: a lot!). Best of all, reading his books will make you feel witty and informed. You’ll quote anecdotes at cocktail parties and impress your friends with your knowledge of 17th century plumbing.

FAVORITE DEAR GOD I AM SO GLAD I WAS BORN IN THIS CENTURY HISTORY BOOK
A Distant Mirror: The Calamitious 14th Century by Barbara Tuchmann

Dudes, the 14th century blew. I mean, it really blew. A lot of centuries have their big glorious moments: revolutions, daring innovation, righteous wars, great literature,and near mythic leaders,  but the 14th century was just mired in suffering and senseless death.  Tyrannical leaders bringing their countries to the brink of destruction to alleviate personal grudges, protectors that did more harm to the common man than good, church corruption, banditry, heavy taxes collected to serve only the rich, cruel punishments served publicly… Boy, I’m glad we don’t have any of that….o wait. I guess there’s a reason the book is titled A Distant Mirror. Well, they did also have  the plague.

This book is a must-read for anyone interested in medieval history.  Some of Tuchmann’s research is outdated, but she remains unrivalled in her ability to make history interesting and personal.  The 14th century is a big subject, so Tuchmann’s organizing strategy is to follow one historical figure. Because there are not enough sources for a lower class perspective, and wanting to cast a wider net than a King or high ranking official would allow, she settles on nobleman Enguerrand de Coucy. Through Coucy’s eyes, she leads us through the endless war and horror that characterized the times. I know what you’re thinking, sounds fun, huh? Well, it actually is. Tuchmann’s prose is exuberant. She celebrates the absurdities, revels in fascinating details, and although the book chronicles one of the darkest times for Europe, she ends reminding us what followed: The Renaissance.

FAVORITE PLANE READING
Dublin Murder Squad books by Tana French

This mystery series, which revolves around different detectives on the Dublin Murder Squad, is what I like to call “light reading for people with literary tastes.” I will, of course, read anything, but I wouldn’t hesitate to suggest these books to my more…discriminating friends. French’s detectives are deeply flawed but fundamentally likable. Their characterization usurps the narrative, becoming even more important (and interesting) than the whodunnit.  If you want engrossing reads that have some meat, check them out.  There are four books to date, of which I have read two. Into the Woods, on a flight to Seattle, and The Likeness, on the flight back to Texas. The next time I fly sans toddler, I will grab the third one.

FAVORITE BOOK WITH PICTURES FEATURING APPEARANCES BY BATMAN
Gotham Central, Greg Rucka, Ed Brubaker & Michael Lark

I read a lot of comic books this year. A lot of independent artsy-fartsy stuff, yes, but also a bunch of good ole fashioned capes stories. Gotham Central made me realize one thing: I love superheros, but I don’t always like Superhero Stories. This is pretty similar to my feelings on fantasy. Fantasy settings and premises are great, but I am so tired of the Epic Fantasy Narrative. Give me a murder mystery in Hogwarts, Legolas and Gimli road tripping through Middle Earth, or a coming of age teen romance set in Bas Lag. Just do something new, something smaller! Good fantasy stories don’t have to be about big scales, and good superhero stories don’t have to be about cosmic threats.

Gotham Central is a street level story of cops in a city where these epic battles are taking place. You ever watch the new Batman movies and see cops thrown aside by baddies as Batman chases them and think, geez, it would suck to be a cop in Gotham? Well, you’d be right.  GC is a police procedural set in Gotham PD’s Major Crimes unit.   In their eyes, Batman isn’t a hero, he’s a unstable vigilante that keeps them out of the loop only to shove them in danger. The heroes deal with their complicated personal lives, try to close their cases, and clean up after Batman’s messes.  They often fail at all three. Basically, this book is like if The Wire had a season about superheroes. (And if that sounds too dark and gritty for you, but you like what I’m saying about small scale superhero stories, check out another one of my favorites from this year: She Hulk, starting with She-Hulk: Single Green Female, a funny series about a law firm that serves superhuman interests).

FAVORITE BOOK WITH PICTURES FEATURING A PSYCHIC TIME TRAVELLING PET VELOCIRAPTOR
Runaways, Brian K Vaughn

Runaways is a young adult comic about a group of teenagers who discover that their parents are super villains.  It’s set in the larger Marvel Universe, but the appearances by established characters are minimal and don’t require any previous reading. It’s a smart, snarky  book that lacks a lot of the annoying things in comics, like confusing continuity, t&a and excessive manpain. (You know, oh woe is meeee, it’s just so hard to be Captain America/Batman/whatever).

What makes Runaways shine is Vaughn’s commitment towards taking his young characters seriously. He doesn’t condescend to them nor does he turn them into mini-adults. They’re recognizably teenagers in their intelligence, hopeful cynicism, distrust of authority, and hormonal urges. There are romantic elements, but Runaways is really a story about a created family, and anyone who has  found solace in their friends will relate. Also, it’s funny. BKV’s writing is a lot like Joss Whedon, only not annoying. (But Joss Whedon also wrote a story for Runaways, if that’s your thing.) And of course, one of the characters has a psychic time travelling pet velociraptor.  Comics!

FAVORITE BOOK WITH PICTURES THAT I BECAME IRRATIONALLY EMOTIONAL ABOUT
Sweet Tooth, Jeff Lemire

Best pitch I’ve seen of this series is “Bambi” meets “The Road.” Sweet Tooth is a post-apocalyptic tale about Gus, a boy/deer hybrid who grew up isolated in a cabin in  the woods.   In the Sweet Tooth world, most of humanity has died after a mysterious pandemic sweeps the world. No cure has been found and people continue to die.  The few children born afterwards have animal mutations like Gus, and all seem to be immune to the disease.  Social structures have broken down and travelling is dangerous for anyone, especially a hybrid like Gus. His father keeps him safe and hidden until he succumbs to the disease. When men attack  his home, Gus has no choice but to leave.  He finds a protector in Jeppard, a gruff  and violent drifter, who promises to take him to a safe place.

Why do I love this series so much? Post-apocalyptic is an oversatured genre, and hybrid children aren’t really new or original. Lemire’s book stands out because Gus is such an endearing character. His innocence and innate goodness reach out in a dark world and touch the people around him. The adults in the book are hyperaware of their mortality and being around Gus (and the other hybrid children) leads some to violent desperation, while others are moved to access previously unknown reservoirs of strength and compassion. Dark, but not cynical, Sweet Tooth is an intimate story about redemption and human capacity for goodness.  Lemire also does his own art for the series, and his style perfectly captures the strange blend of violence and fragility that make this series so appealing (and anxiety provoking).

So, that’s 2012. Can’t wait for 2013. Happy reading, y’all! 

One Amazing Thing was a decent book. I had issues with it, but this post isn’t a book review. However flawed the book may be, I admire how it gets people having interesting conversations. The story is this: a group of people, of varying ages and ethnicities, get trapped in a building after an earthquake. At first they panic and begin to turn on eachother, but Uma, a graduate student with Chaucer on the mind, suggests that they tell stories to pass the time and keep them calm.

Everyone, Chitra insists in the book and reiterated at the event, has at least one amazing story. No matter how mundane you may think your life is compared to the melodrama and carefully edited constant action of film and television, you have a story. Chitra relayed two of hers: one a dramatic tale of rescue by a mysterious stranger, the other her quiet realization that immigration turned her into a storyteller.

So of course, we all leave the event asking “What’s your one amazing thing?”

You’d think this is where I leap in. I am a storyteller. I mine my life for anecdotes, fiction, journalling. But I choked. I couldn’t think of anything. The obvious story was my surprise pregnancy and journey to motherhood, but it didn’t seem right. I felt there was something earlier than that, more intrinsic. I managed to stammer out a story about getting my first horse, but I told it with the full awareness that it wasn’t what I wanted to say.

Today I think I finally figured it out. 

I’ve always felt different. I think everyone does, especially when they are teenagers, so I’m not claiming that  for myself. My difference has always been isolating. As a kid, I was a loner, a dreamer. I wasn’t sophisticated, I never liked the same things as everyone else, I was always behind.  I had friends, but they were always the friends that would go along with that. The preacher’s daughter who had no interest in boys and so would play pretend with me long after everyone else stopped. The girls who rode horses with me: we’d gallop across the fields, screaming with delight as the wind tossed our hair, full of adventure, and it was only after we came in, took off the tack, and sat around to gossip that I was different again. The girl who everyone thought was weird, so weird, and I loved her for just being that without reservations and taking me along with her. Those were my people, but they were few and far between and rarely were they in my class, grade, or even school.

I was fairly oblivious to my isolation. Sometimes I’d emerge from daydream, see my classmates laughing and going to each other’s birthday parties, and I’d feel sad, but mostly..I lived separate, but happily.( It changed in middle school, of course. Social understanding was currency and I discovered myself broke. This is not  a story about that, though.)

When I was in 5th grade, I won the Young Author’s contest. I had won it before, but that year was different. My teacher congratulated me, handed over my story, and then told me to read it to the class. I was paralyzed. I shared my writing with adults, who were eager to compliment and support a kid, but these were my classmates. They eyed me with annoyance and boredom and I had the quick, sinking realization that these people did not care about me, did not understand me, did not want to listen to my story. It was a simple tale about my dog. I felt stupid. Who writes stories about their dog? They wanted action, I knew. Something cool. Something…not me.

But my teacher told me again to read it, and I was not one to directly disobey adults. I stood at the front and read my story.

As I read it, I was shocked to see my classmates responding. They laughed when it was funny, and were completely silent when it was serious. They leaned forward in their seats and listened to my every word. I started off in a quiet, unsure voice but grew confident with their attention until I was speaking loudly and grinning, ending to enthusiastic applause.  When we left for lunch, several people stopped to compliment me.

I’ve never forgotten that day. It’s not because people thought I was a good writer, although I did love that, and it certainly didn’t change the way I interacted with people. I was still the weird girl in dirty sweatpants who stared off in space. The reason it was so meaningful to me was this: if only for a few minutes, I pulled them into my world, and they understood. They saw me, I mean really truly, saw me.

I started writing long before that day, but it’s the revelation that sustains me. Writing is something done in solitude, but it truly comes alive when shared. Fiction is the interstitial place, bridging the boundaries of our lives,where everyone is welcome. This is why we read books, watch films, and tell stories. This is why I write.

Belated, yes, as I said, I am always behind, but there it is: my most amazing thing.

But the zeigest is ruthless. It’s a small child, anxious for attention. It clings to you like cellophane, grabs at your ankles, follows you to the bathroom, and screams in your face. Ignoring it requires more patience that I can muster today.

First off, this public “debate” about Chik-Fil-A? It’s not an organic discussion. It’s a manufactured distraction.

Chik-Fil-A’s anti-homosexual agenda has been public knowledge for a long time.  I would not describe myself as someone whose finger is on the pulse of LGTB activism, but I was acquainted with their policies & spending long before this brouhaha. There are lots of people who have been protesting, boycotting, and spreading awareness  for years.  It is also not the only (nor will it be the last) company to do such things. So why has it suddenly come front and center? Simple: it’s an election year. 

Yeah, yeah, roll your eyes, but I’m keeping my tin hat on for this one. This debate is the best thing that ever happened to our presidential candidates and the people who back them.  They would love this to turn into a single issue voting year. If people are only talking about gay marriage, Romney doesn’t have to worry about the splintering of the conservative party on economic issues. If people are only talking about gay marriage, Obama doesn’t have to answer for all the promises he’s failed to deliver on. If people are only talking about gay marriage, the news media doesn’t need to tackle complicated or difficult issues that might reveal their conflicting interests (ie their journalistic responsiblity vs who is paying their bills).  It’s a strategy. He who controls the the medium controls the message controls the debate.

That aside, I get why you’re all talking about it. I really do. It’s such an emotional issue and I’m not saying this as a detached observer. I have a dog in this fight.  I count many people who identify as LGBT amongst my closest friends. It makes my heart ache to see their families denied. It makes my heart break to see other friends and family contributing to a culture of discrimination that throws so much hatred at people I love.  It scares me to look at my own child and the children of my friends and think that they could one day be casualties of this war. (Because don’t think there aren’t real causalities. Look at the statistics for suicide and homelessness in LGBT teenagers.)

And I do think that boycotting is a great solution. I am a big believer of putting your money where your mouth is. I have never (nor do I ever plan to) eaten at Chik-Fil-A.  I try to buy independent, local, and fair trade. I try not to contribute to companies that I think spread suffering. I am not always successful, but I try. I think these little choices matter.

But look. In the end, choosing to eat or not eat a sandwich will not change the world. This is the problem with activism that is focused solely on consumerism. It’s a passive form of engaging  issues that can give you a false sense of accomplishment and superiority. It places you in a world where brand identity is an indicator of morality. You categorize people’s goodness based solely on where they shop. People are divided into neat categories: “ChikFilA/Republican vs BoycottingChikFilA/Liberal.” It makes clear villains and heroes. It makes things seem so easy, which makes it appealing. But it doesn’t change things.

I guess I’m betraying my idealism here, because I really don’t think money is the best way to change the world. I don’t think a complicated discussion that involves sexuality, religion, and civil rights can be boiled down to “bigots vs homosexual juggernaut” (the later is an actual phrase I read in the paper today btw).

Communication, respect, and love change people. Discussions carried out in good faith, instead of through the distorted lens the media is offering us, change people.  These are harder. They are very, very hard. Like I said, I have a dog in the fight.  I don’t want to listen to those who deny my loved ones the right to protect their families. It seems too painful.

But here’s what I don’t want to do either:

I don’t want to let myself be distracted from the issues that really matter. (This includes gay marriage, by the way. I am not dismissive of the seriousness of that as an issue, just for the framing narrative of Chik-Fil-A)

I don’t want us as a nation to let our leaders off the hook for answering to us. I don’t want to see people voting against their own interests, again and again, for the sake of some manufactured culture war.  I’m not idealistic enough to think this will ever truly happen, but you know. Rage rage against the dying of the light and all.

And mostly, I don’t want to walk through life seeing half of the world as bigoted, cruel, distant, and other from me. That is a scary way to see things.  It’s also reductionist, judgmental, and untrue.  I am absolutely not advocating a relativistic outlook where all opinions are equal. I simply think that people can hold bigoted views but not be a bigot.  A bigot implies it’s somehow inherent and unchanging. They were just born that way. (lol) Why waste your time?  As I mentioned in my post on prisoners rights, I am extremely troubled by the idea of people being disposable, beyond redemption.  Again, if empathy means anything, it must be extended to all. Even prisoners. Even Chik-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy. Even the homosexual juggernaut.

So please, friends. Join me in NOT talking about Chik-Fil-A anymore. Don’t post your memes, your facebook statues, your tweets. Give your attention to the things that really do matter, like connections with other human beings.  Be hopeful, not hateful.

They are:

Mysteries of Old Castle Lenormand, from Russia.

I haven’t quite caught “Lenormand” fever like the rest of the Tarot world, but I have acquired a few. They appeal to me slightly from a historical perspective (Mme Lenormand’s method is derived from the Etteilla school), but mostly I find them very charming.  Tarot is part Jungian, part Occultist, part Christian allegory, and part divination, although many of us forget the last one. Lenormands, however, are straight up old school fortune telling; the kind of deck where you don a scarf and silly hat and amuse your friends for hours.  Mysteries of Old Castle is the second deck from the place that made the Lilac Twilight Lenormand. I love both these decks because they don’t self-consciously shy away from their themes: Lilac Twilight is kitchy and pink and romantic, while Mysteries is melodramatic and gothic. Understated? No. Awesome? Yes.

The Victorian Romantic Tarot- Russian Edition, from Russia. Original deck created in Prague.

This is a  beautiful deck from Baba Studio/Magic Realist Press.  They’re an extremely popular small press and their limited edition decks sell out quickly and then command high prices on Ebay or trading forums. I came to the tarot collecting world after the Victorian Romantic’s first edition had been sold out and thus figured I would never own one. However, Baba licensed the deck to be reprinted in Russia and when I ordered the Mystery of Old Castle Lenormand, I had the opportunity to get it. Even though I already pre-ordered the second edition, I jumped on it. I so do not regret it. It’s one of the most well thought out narrative decks I own.

Il Meneghello Classico Tarocco Di Marsiglia, from Milan, Italy

I got this deck from a friend in the states, but I think it counts! Il Meneghello is one of the most respected names in tarot and one of my personal favorites. I dream of one day being able to visit his shop in Milan. I was pleasantly surprised by this deck; all of the scans of it online show it much darker than it actually is– the colors are quite brilliant, as I think I have more accurately captured in this photo.  It has very refined lines for a TdM (I believe it is a redrawing of a 1700s Swiss TdM) and the cardstock is different than any of his decks that I have so far:  glossy and laminated. To be honest, I don’t like the cardstock much. One of the things I love about Il Meneghello’s decks is how old and crafted they feel, like something you could have bought two hundred years ago on the streets of Italy. This deck is firmly in the 21st century. Still, it’s a gorgeous TdM and has many interesting details.

And Pablo Robledo’s Tarot De Marsella, from Argentina.

Last but absolutely not least, the Tarot de Marsella Robledo, Pablo Robledo’s TdM of his own design.  I own his Dodal restoration and it’s one of my most treasured decks. Not one that that I take out everyday–I am still learning to love the TdM–but the beauty and craftsmanship that went into it is breathtaking. It is the deck that made me finally “get” the appeal of TdM and continues to be the one that wooes me over to playing with them.  His newest deck does not disappoint. These pictures do not do it justice. The colors are stunning, the images lush and detailed, the cards soft but hearty. I could go on. Both his decks were released in very limited quantities and I feel quite privileged to have them. I hope that one day they get a mass market release, as more people should be able to play with them!

As many of you may know, we are currently living with Dan’s parents in a suburb of Dallas. Dan is working and I am writing and we are saving up money to move to Seattle in the fall.

Texas is not where I ever imagined myself living. It’s hot and humid and even in Dallas, spread out and dominated by highways and four lane roads. I had just gotten used to the chaos and claustrophobia of the city, and now I find myself missing it.  I am an outdoors person by nature, but the heat and mosquitoes prohibit most adventures and you have to get creative to find cheap ways to get out of the house. I’m working on it.

Living with my in-laws is difficult, I won’t mince words. It has nothing to do with them in particular. They are exceptionally pleasant and thoughtful people who make every effort to welcome us. It’s just the nature of the beast. It’s math. Two households, one house. Two cooks, one kitchen. Four parents, one child. A lifetime of memories and baggage. You can’t be on equal footing there, no matter how hard you try.  It’s exhausting, but all difficult things can be catalysts for positive change, if you let them. I’m working on it.

A lot of people groaned when they heard I was moving to Texas and laughed that I’d be out of place. A Chicagoan Yankee in King Perry’s Court. And sure, when I go out, I hear people discussing socialism in muttered, angry tones and there are more Romney bumper stickers than Obama ones, but generally I think people are the same everywhere. You just have to find your tribe.  Not an easy feat for me. I’m very guarded. It’s hard for me to make friends quickly. I need time to adjust, to get comfortable, to trust. I was hoping to work on that here because who cares if I make an ass out of myself in front of some random suburbanites I won’t see again after this fall? But, of course, it’s not so easy.  I have a superiority complex, and beneath that an inferiority complex, and beneath that, a deep fear of rejection, like Russian nesting dolls stacked together in a perfect cliche of an adult child of an alcoholic.  That sort of neurosis takes time to unravel. But yes, I am working on it.

If I seem down in this post, it’s because I am. A mild level depression, but don’t worry (especially you, Mom). I realized a few years ago that I don’t have to be held hostage to the whims of my broken brain.  I can accept that the situation is causing me depression, and I can move past it. I don’t want to be a sullen teenager again. I don’t want to complain and forget to be grateful for the opportunities given and kindness shown.  Most of all, I want to be joyful and present for my son.

So here are some great, wonderful, indisputably awesome things about living in Texas.

1. I am writing and reading again. After a long break from my book and books in general, I am writing a ton and reading for hours every night. I write by hand mostly, because the Internet offers too many temptations, and I don’t want to seek comfort in a screen. (I’m talking about endless distractions online, not porn, you pervs.) It turns out that the isolation and depression I feel is great for channeling into my writing. There were some dark places in my book that I needed to explore, but kept dancing around. Now I am diving right in. The suburbs are good for that.

2. Aside from all the complications, living with my in-laws is really actually quite ..nice. In Chicago, we had good friends but were isolated from family. Here, there is always family around. I am enjoying getting to know them better. I will be glad to have our own place again someday, but for now, sharing duties of cooking, cleaning, and childrearing is a huge relief. I no longer feel overwhelmed by all I must do. I am grateful for the time they spend with Atticus, not only for my own sanity, but because I am glad he is forming meaningful relationships with other adults. He gets so much one-on-one interaction from people who love him and he’s flourishing in it.

3. There’s a freaking pool in my backyard. Nuff said.

4. The thrift stores, used book stores, & estate sales. They aren’t as trendy here as they are in places like Chicago and the Pacific Northwest, so you can find tons of great stuff for dirt cheap.

5. A man in Tennessee told me that there is so much grilling in Texas that samples taken of the air show trace amounts of meat in them. If anyone knows information to the contrary, please leave me in ignorance. I want to believe I am breathing barbecue.

6.  The different flora. There are crape-myrtle trees everywhere, and while native Texans sort of handwave them off, I can’t get over how beautiful they are.

Last week we all went to the Arboretum to see a concert, and Atticus and I wandered off while we waited for the band to set up. We were hot, grumpy, and besieged by bugs until we walked through a grove of flowering trees. The temperature dropped and a soft wind blew petals around us. Atticus and I stood still, watching them sway and dip down, almost touching the ground, then carried up again by the breeze. We inhaled the scent of magnolias and crape-myrtles and cherry-blossoms.  Then, it began to rain. I heard groans from the auditorium nearby, but the rain cooled my skin and lifted my spirits. Atticus smiled and held his hands up and yelled THANK YOU!! THANK YOU RAIN!!

There is magic in Texas, if you look for it. And I’m working on it.

 ”The times require that every one should speak out boldly…every man should do his duty in Arts, as well as in Arms, or in the Senate.” 

Very empowering card to draw today. I am feeling a little nervous working on my book again. It’s been a long break and the more research I do, the more passionate I feel about the issues I’m writing about and so the less equipped I feel to tackle them. One of the great things about my class with Audrey was that she helped me to focus on the thematic and philosophical content of my book. That sounds slightly pretentious, but I think it’s important.  When you are writing, you are saying something about the world, whether you like it or not. People like to think that only Important Novels do this, but every book does, even if it’s as simple as “the world is divided into bad guys and good guys and good will always win.”  or “white heterosexual cisgendered able-bodied men are freaking AWESOME and everyone else can suck it.”

Previously, my writing was very character focused and personal. I think that’s always what should come first. Authentic characters are the heart of all stories.  My main character is now a living, breathing person who lives in my head. As strange as it sounds, I really love her. She’s brave and funny and so so damaged and fragile, so I have to make sure that the story she’s in deserves her. It’s a personal story about identity and familial relationships, but I can’t deny that its political in some ways too.  I am not a fan of heavy-handed messaging and have no desire to write The Fountainhead 2: Juvey Boogaloo, but the subjects (juvenile justice reform,human experimentation, neuroethics) are so inherently controversial and political that it’s inescapable, so I might as well take the time to make sure I am saying is meaningful.

I was reminded yesterday of why that part of the book is important to me.  

Many Texas prisons have no A/C for prisoners and there is a push to  have them installed in the facilities.  I support this measure, of course.  Being cooped up in small hotboxes in the 100+ heat and humidity isn’t healthy for bodies or minds.  (For the more pragmatic, I believe it would also be more cost effective. Installing air conditioning is much cheaper than paying for the health care of sick prisoners). I made the mistake of reading the letters to the editors page (the paper equivalent of YouTube comments, really) and a local resident wrote in that prisoners don’t deserve anything and that they should just “get used to it because where they will be spending eternity is pretty hot.”

It’s nothing new, but I find this attitude so enraging and discouraging. Callous disregard for people’s lives is what leads to disgusting atrocities like what happened this woman, Marica Powell. She was serving a two year sentence for prostitution when she was  left out in a cage in the 107 degree Arizona heat and literally cooked to death. In what world is something like that acceptable?  Even if you discard the completely broken criminal justice system that locks up the innocent and mentally ill with a shocking racial and socioeconomic bias. Even if you pretend that the War on Drugs and privatization of prisons hasn’t completely destroyed the illusion of a never attained “true justice.” Even if the prisons were only full of cruel, mean people who committed heinous crimes with full understanding of what they were doing,  those are human beings. Eye for an eye justice may be satisfying to the reptile brain, but if we treat prisoners cruelly, the only thing separating us from being like criminals is that our actions are state-sanctioned.

People’s capacity to dehumanize those that they don’t think they can relate with is depressing.  Many of the people that the letter writer dismissed as sinners doomed to hell are serving short sentences. Do we really see people as so disposable that once they’ve made one mistake, they are forever without redemption? I suppose if you were a perfect person who never made a mistake, that might be a comforting worldview, but for the rest of us, damning others is one step away from damning ourselves.

I am not here to white knight prisoners. I know fully that people do Really Bad Things and that prisoners are not cuddly, misunderstand cinematic movie heroes. I have no intentions to glorify crime, diminish the pain of victims of crime, or claim that because people are born into unfortunate situations that they are excused for the bad things they do. If you require a mindset where prisoners are Actually Good People Being Oppressed by Bad People, then you’re back in the kind of world that creates the prison problems. It doesn’t matter if someone is “good” or “bad” (a useless binary that we arrogantly assert our right to categorize), it only matters how we treat them. It’s not easy to love the “dregs of society”, but showing compassion when it is most difficult is when it’s most important.   It’s frustrating to me to find that often “tough on crime” areas are the most religious, because I think Jesus said it best:

But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.   If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?   For even sinners love those who love them.   And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?

Luke 6:27-32

I was happy to open the paper today and see two letters, including one from a pastor, renouncing the comments of the first writer. I hope those responses made the original author, and anyone who might have agreed with him, rethink their approach. This is the power of writing: the ability to convey perspectives that one might never get to experience.

My book is not a screeching self righteous manifesto of all that is wrong with the justice system or the attitudes in American culture towards prison. I am not that important (or  self-important) to write such a thing,. (Except on my blog, I guess)   I’m writing a sci-fi book about a sarcastic teenage girl that involves tiny lasers and a geodesic dome bomb shelter. It just also happens to explore some of the things that are wrong with the justice system and attitudes in American culture towards prison. ;) That is how I speak out boldly and do my duty: write fun fiction that hopefully, if done well, will also make people examine the way they think about these issues.

So my request. Just one song! The pressure! A few people seemed under the impression that this song was supposed to represent them as a person and our relationship and the cosmic underpinnings of their very existence and well, that WOULD be difficult.  My real ambitions were much lower, I just wanted a really random mix that would remind me of people we enjoyed spending time with.

Because I have pretty awesome friends, I left Chicago not only with a complete mix CD compiled from all their suggestions, but ten additional mix cds of music and tons of individual albums.  Dan and I didn’t have a chance to listen to them all, so it’s a good thing we have another long road trip coming up in a few months!

I’ve found that most long car rides end up having a theme, or some CD that takes front and center. For this trip, it ended up being the Friend Mix I requested. It was just  hilariously varied enough in tone to stay fresh (My favorite triad  of WTF was the Joni Mitchell-Freezepop-Refused combination) and had a  comforting combination of familiar and new.  I genuinely enjoyed every song.

I’m putting up the track list for the curious. Thanks to all who contributed!

1. Johnny Cash & June Carter- Jackson
2.  The Pistolas- Take It With a Kiss
3. Smith Westerns- Weekend
4.  The Beatles- With a Little Help From My Friends
5. Joni Mitchell- Amelia
6. Freezepop- Frontload
7. Refused- The Deadly Rhythm
8.  Andrew Bird- A Nervous Tic Head Motion to the Left
9.  Carolina Chocolate Drops- Hit ‘Em Up Style
10.  Delta Spirit- People C’Mon
11.  Black Keys- Tighten Up
12. Talking Heads- Burning Down the House
13.  Creedance Clearwater Revival- Have You Ever Seen the Rain
14.  The Rural Alberta Advantage- Tornado ’87
15.  Everly Brothers- Gone Gone Gone
16. Guster- So Long
17. Wanda Jackson-  Shaking All Over
18. The Smiths- Asleep
19. The Gaslight Anthem- Boomboxes & Dictionaries
20. Rilo Kiley – It’s a Hit
21. Shel Silverstein- A Front Seat to Hear Old Johnny Play
22. Sugar- Hoover Dam
23. Kristin Andreassen – Crayola Doesn’t Make A Color For Your Eyes
24. Anthony Hamilton- Woo

 

 

Enter: The Zombie Tarot. Not quite the Michael Bay of the tarot world (that would be something like the vapid Tarot of Vampyres*), it’s a clever and competently done Waite-Smith style deck that doesn’t reveal any eternal hidden truths or break any tarot barriers. But it’s really damn fun.

The Zombie Tarot was created by Paul Kepple , the same man behind the Housewives Tarot (another favorite of mine) and it shares the same Americana imagery and ironic tone. I’ve always loved the catty honesty of the Housewives and so far the Zombie Tarot seems similar.

Now that I think about it, zombies are a strangely natural subject for a tarot deck. They play off our anxieties about the connection between the mind, body, and spirit. A zombie represents a human being that has lost everything that makes it “human.”  Our modern tendency is to humanize monsters. This leads to both incredibly complex villains and anti-heroes as well as weepy, emotional vampires with a lot of man pain, but you will not find any sexy or erudite zombies.  Zombies is zombies, man. They’re ugly reminders of the viciousness of nature and our thin hold on consciousness. As we seek the light, zombies lurk in the darkness behind us, reminding of us how easily we can slide back.

Of course, the concept of “dark” or “shadow” decks is nothing new, but what I love about the Zombie Tarot thus far that it is not a dark deck.  It’s straightforward and honest, but more hilarious than disturbing.  The Zombie Tarot doesn’t ask you to sit down with a glass of red wine and examine your angst.**  You don’t have time for that, it’s the freaking zombie apocalypse, man. First, we survive. And then we drink beer and count our scars.

A three card draw I did from it earlier today:

(The Pentacles suit has been renamed “Hazards”)

*No offense meant to fans of this deck. I will admit fondness for the Barbara Moore Steampunk, which is in the same category, imo.

**If you want to do that, the obvious choice is the Bohemian Gothic.  After the Dark Grimoire, which I’ve written about before here, it is my favorite “dark” deck.

Well, okay, not exactly our entire life. For full disclosure, we did send our toddler, his car seat & stroller, and some clothes with Dan’s parents on the plane. And, there’s the 727 lbs of books we sent via media mail.

But almost our entire life.

Dan and I are clutter whores to the extreme. (Not hoarders. No, not there yet, and never shall we be, if I have my way. ) Loathe to throw anything out because we don’t want to be wasteful (good), and too afraid to rehome things in case we “might want them someday” (bad), we accumulated A LOT of stuff. Paring it down to one car was difficult, sometimes even painful, in that firstworldproblems kind of way.

I learned about a lot of things in this process, such as Dan’s deep emotional attachment to his socks, but mostly I realized one thing:  I buy too much cheap crap. Not that I am some kind of nose-upturned richy mcmoney pants who wants ONLY THE BEST, but far too many times have I settled for immediacy over longevity and quantity over quality. These objects were easily tossed into the “donate/sell” piles because they were so …replaceable. As we build our home back up over the years, we will replace them with nicer things when possible, because it is better to have a house with just a few things that are meaningful instead of many things that are disposable. And for  the disposable stuff that we will inevitably have to buy because hey, we aren’t made of money, we’ll just go back to the thrift stores and complete the great Circle of Secondhand Life.

For the curious, here is what we kept:

A metal trunk, filled with journals.
A wooden trunk & plastic bin with my tarot collection.
Sewing machine.
A bin of fabric & sewing accesories.
A bin of arts & crafts materials.
Two boxes of desk files.
Two kitchen boxes: sentimental mugs, coffee making apparatuses, Victorinox knife, nice cutting board, Ninja, and some assorted kitchen accessories.
Canning supplies, cast iron skillet, and panini press.
Computers & cords in our backpacks
A small box of tools & woodcarving equpiment.
Cintiq tablet
Laser printer
Camera trunk of “treasures” and knicknacks
Canon Rebel + case
Basket of Atti’s stuffed animals
Bin of Atti’s toys
Xbox 360+ Skyrim ( I just couldn’t let go)
Ukulele
Shoe box of Christmas ornaments
Art portfolio
Small bag of board & card games
Small box with Mini DV tapes of various footage
Box of pictures
Briefcase of important documents
Box of makeup
Monthly planner whiteboard
Quilts
Winter coats
Cooler full of car snacks and drinks.
Cat carriers+cats
One big suitcase with Atti’s clothes
2 small suitcases with our clothes
Dan’s golf clubs
A painting of Dans
Atti’s jogging stroller
Atti’s carseat

and

727 lbs of books

But if like me, you sit down at your computer “just to check your email” and then emerge hours later disoriented and surrounded by your dirty laundry, hungry pets, and bored toddler, you might want to try a few of these guidelines.

1. Never read comments on news articles, blogs, YouTube, etc.

2. There is no way to “ironically” read Perez Hilton, Dlisted, ONTD,etc. Just admit your weird voyeuristic desire to gossip about the lives of people you don’t know and then watch a TV show instead. OMG can you BELIEVE what Dany said to Jorah last week??  Being catty about fictional characters is way less creepy.

3.  Going to websites that have offensive/dumb content just to see what “hilarious” things they are up to almost always ends in anger, not laughter. Stop visiting. This includes: Stormfront, childfree forums, Mothering.com, Supernatural fandom, Yelp reviews, and reddit’s /mensrights and /atheism.

4. Internet arguments are like having an internet argument about whether or not that macro about Internet arguments being like the special Olympics is offensive or not. In the end, you’ve wasted a lot of your time arguing on the Internet.

5. Sigh, okay, fine. You have to argue anyway? Well, remember two things. 1. Argue in good faith, because the person you are arguing with is a PERSON. 2.  Accept that the other person probably will not extend you the same courtesy.

6. Flouncing (leaving an argument in the middle) is the best. Yes, it infuriates others and goes against “netiquette”. After all,  it’s tantamount to admitting that your position was wrong but you don’t even give your opponent the satisfaction of surrendering! But you know what? If you’re bored/tired/getting too upset….just do it. You can close the window and the argument magically goes away FOREVER. It’s amazing. The ability to close a tab when you realize you’re getting too involved in a dumb battle of wills does wonders for your blood pressure.

7. Got an idea for a Facebook update? Wait an hour. Seriously. Nine times out of ten, you’ll realize it’s dumb, useless, or oversharing.

8. Go outside. It’s summer. And I mean, you have a smartphone anyway, right?